"do you take cash?"

+We do not accept cash.
+I can NOT help you!
+I do NOT work here!
+Checks are unacceptable (so are cards)

Sure! I'll refund you fully, IN cash, regardless of how you paid! (No, you don't need your receipt!) The return deadline is more a suggestion... YOU KNOW WHAT!? We don't even need the book[s] here!!

Oh?! Those signs?! I didn't even realized I put those there!!

Oh yes!! One more thing! WE NEVER CLOSE!!! (NOR ARE WE EVER OPEN!)

get a clue. you're in college!